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Science Breakthrough: Safe-and-effective jab alters ethnicity after single dose. Racism now acceptable, experts say.
THE traditional argument against racist bigotry is that genetic characteristics relating to ethnicity cannot be changed. Therefore, a minority individual can never attain “white privilege”; so attacking them would be unfair.
Experts issue stark warning to the unafraid: Climate-induced voter fraud places vaccine miracle triumph in hot water over unwarranted claims of fake news UFO hate speech
OFFICIAL claims of UFO hate speech became even less absurd yesterday, after triumphant voter fraud placed magical, mystery vax in hot water over fresh allegations of fake news-induced climate-emergency, experts say.
Quantum Physicists prove Flat Earthers right and wrong at same time
QUANTUM physicists have recently settled the ongoing debate as to whether the Earth is flat or not; concluding that Earth is both flat and globular at the same time.
Local news: Man refused Jenga refund by conspiracy-theorist shop owner
A man, who was terrorised by his Jenga set turning to sawdust after a single round of “play”, was denied a refund by some right-wing conspiracy-theorist shop owner who is probably also a terrorist, sources confirm.
Business News: Violence from Police State to replace Gold as new standard of currency
THE head of the illuminati has recently announced a bold change in the monetary paradigm - a new reserve currency to replace gold that is instead tied to the brutal monopoly of state violence.
‘Shadow of man carbonised onto wooden fence by atomic blast’ could be a fake, say art experts
CURATORS of a street art exhibit in Hiroshima have cast sudden doubt on the authenticity of their world-famous ‘shadow of man’ piece, reporting that it could be a fake.
Out-of-control pregnancy epidemic threatens to overpopulate planet
The World Pregnancy Organisation (Guttmacher Institute) states on its official website that a confirmed case of pregnancy is “a person with laboratory confirmation of pregnancy, regardless of clinical signs or symptoms.”
Renowned maths expert dispels doubts about 9/11
GENIUS mathematician, Dr Dick Riculous MD, has definitively solved a once-controversial maths question among physicists: “what about 9/11?”.
Excess CO2 levels threaten plant-life with morbid obesity
CLIMATOLOGISTS are concerned that rising CO2 in our atmosphere may lead to widespread plant-hood obesity, making Earth too heavy to sustain life.
Fortune Favours the Slave: World Misleaders convene at Davos summit to discuss ‘teletubbies’ great reset proposal
In recent weeks, the World Economic Forum has been hosting discussions relating to their official motto; “committed to improving the state* of the world” [*state being the operative word].
“Weakness is strength!” claim top homeopaths in bid to rescue failing democracy
HOMEOPATHY has always relied on the flawless premise that what makes you sick can also cure you in extremely minute doses.
Medical Gear Solid: Doctorando Revenues Soar!
EVERSINCE the medical world has found a way to condense decades of necessary research and preparation into mere months in order to rush safe-and-effective vaccines - completing a medical masters degree is now far less time-consuming than ever before.
Shoplifting-Virus Outbreak: Mass looting occurs as panicked civilians attempt to flee spread of infection
A virus, which causes people to shoplift large-chain supermarkets uncontrollably, is spreading like directed- energy-weapons-induced wild-fire, allege sources.
Berlin Venues Impose Zero-G Rules
Clubs and bars in Berlin, which no longer have the same atmosphere as before the uncommon cold, are now applying Zero-G rules to ensure ‘safe-space’ for visitors.
TV News: Doctor W.H.O. suffers huge ratings loss
Doctor W.H.O. has dive-bombed in recent ratings, with only the most loyal fans of the long-running sci-fi pantomime continuing to give a fuck and cosplay around in public, yet TV executives refuse to pull the plug.
Exclusive Report: The true story behind the Roswell ‘UFO’ crash
In the 1920s, a Soviet biologist, named Ilya Ivanovich Ivanov, experimented with human-ape hybridisation.
Breaking Olds: Eons Detected at Cern
EONS were thought to exist for centuries, but now, scientists at Cern appear to have finally ‘cracked’ the long sought-after particle, known as the Time Boson.