Farts of the Smirking Ass

Exclusive Report: The true story behind the Roswell ‘UFO’ crash

Matthew Higgins
Matthew Higgins

The first experiments were carried out in French Guinea on 3 chimpanzee subjects with use of human sperm, Wikipedia confirms. The second attempt would have used human subjects inseminated with orangutan sperm - but due to political shake-ups in the Soviet sciences, the orangutan volunteers were murdered and Professor Ivanov fled to Almaty (Kazakhstan) to avoid the same fate. Two years later, Ivanov’s death was staged and he was moved to a secret research facility near the town of Kyshtym (Russia) to continue his controversial research.

By the 1940s, Soviet scientists had made much biological progress - creating several “humanzee” subjects who had survived past infancy. The humanzees had hairless, grey bodies - with disproportionately large heads and eyes - and were roughly 3 feet tall. The Soviets realised that these beings looked “alien-enough” to hatch a top-secret military UFO psy-op at the start of the Cold War - aimed at spreading gossip and confusion in the United States.

In 1947, the Soviets loaded 3 humanzee specimens (named: ‘серые’ - meaning ‘greys’ in Russian) onto an abandoned, experimental prototype of an EKIP aircraft (chosen for its unusual round-shape design) - which was then transported by weather balloon into United States territory - thus, bypassing Radar defence systems.

The successful campaign, which still manages to fool senior US officials to this day, would have remained secret if not for Tamara Vasilyevna Prosvirina. She was given a fetal humanzee specimen in 1996, named Alyoshenka, outside the Kyshtym facility. It has been determined that the specimen was neither the product of the nearby Mayak nuclear disaster, nor the starring baby in the film Eraserhead; but instead, was a result of human-ape crossbreeding experiments in the secret underground lab. The whistleblower was detained in a psychiatric ward and later run down by an automobile whilst attempting to flee therefrom.


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