Out-of-control pregnancy epidemic threatens to overpopulate planet

As such, newly-devised pregnancy tests, based on PCR protocols, confirm a dramatic rise in the sexually transmitted condition - with 66% of cases revealing no signs or symptoms.

This alarming rise in pregnancies has spread across multiple genders, oranges, and patches of oil; and thus, threatens to destroy Earth with overpopulation unless emergency risks are taken.

Those with a positive pregnancy diagnosis will have the right to make their own decisions about whether or not to have an abortion - afterall, it is every mother’s right to choose what she/he/they does with her/his/their own body.

However, when they inevitably make flimsy excuses for not doing so, they should expect to receive the full weight of restrictions upon them on a daily basis and to lose their jobs and the respect of everyone else around them immediately - so that they may end up getting the damn shot!

Yo momma so selfish, that she should either do the right thing, or wait indoors for an extra 2 weeks/years until the crisis calms down, if she expects to rejoin the rest of society.