Yo yo! Testing! Hi mum...!

By inverse logic, you may have heard vaccine proponents explain that discrimination against the unvaccinated is totally okay because they could easily “change teams” so to speak.

Now, as in ‘all of a sudden’, a newly announced medical intervention boasts the ability to alter one’s race at a genomic level. This breakthrough is destined to allow racists everywhere to express their opinions freely without shame.

It also has life-saving implications in the fight against the uncommon cold**; which requires everyone’s willing participation.

Medical experts and famous celebrities are urging those minorities at higher risk of infection to prioritise the safety of everyone else, above their own racial superiority complexes, by simply becoming white.

“If you fail to get the jab, you ought to fend for yourselves like that Noam Chomsky guy said,” opined leading health expert, Doctor Dick Riculous, who remains bravely and responsibly unashamed of his profession, “Saving lives is more fucking important than saving face on the basis of race. Stop being such a little crybaby and take the damn shot.”

Restaurant owners, supermarkets, employers, and all the king’s men, are now being encouraged (through hefty fines) to be as inclusive as possible in terms of whiteness. However, to keep this newly unbridled racism from getting out of hand, it’s absolutely vital for the weaker races themselves to “do the white thing”, by minimising their number and creating a safe, healthy, and peaceful planet for all.

**Did you know...? The uncommon cold, which shares about 90% of its DNA with the regular old cold, is said to have jumped the species barrier from microbe to human according to such logic.

Science Breakthrough: Safe-and-effective jab alters ethnicity after single dose. Racism now acceptable, experts say.

His profound and elegant theorem - ‘9/11 = 0.81 recurring’ - has been cited as the greatest breakthrough in maths since Orwell’s famous equation ‘2+2 = 5’; which continues to upset self-proclaimed mathematicians on the internet, who think they’re qualified enough to point out that this is a logical impossibility.

Building on Dr Dick’s work, researchers can hope to achieve answers to some other great problems of maths, such as “what about 9-11?” and “how about 7/7?”

Riculous has previously won the Fields Medal in mathematics for his remarkable ‘Inverse-Orwell Law’: “2-2 = -1”; which enabled physicists and poets to explain the phenomena of hitting 2 birds with one stone and demolishing 3 buildings with only 2 planes. This time, he just might win himself the Nobel Prize for Awesomeness.

Farts of the Smirking Ass

Renowned maths expert dispels doubts about 9/11

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Yo yo! Testing! Hi mum...!

Science Breakthrough: Safe-and-effective jab alters ethnicity after single dose. Racism now acceptable, experts say.